October 21st
Dear Mom,
Hank's mother asked me if I could possibly give them a ride to her parent's house in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Her name is Nancy and she hasn't quite looked me in the eye since the night of the fire. Her and Hank lost everything except the clothes on their back and the dinosaur toy Hank was playing with in the hospital.
We drove straight through to Milwaukee, and I helped her as much as I could, Mom. Her hands must have been hurting her so badly, but she didn't complain, just sat in her seat quietly answering the questions I asked her in as few words as possible.
I still don't know why Nancy and Hank were in St. Paul alone, but I didn't feel it was my place to ask, especially since she was being so quiet.
Hank is such an intuitive little kid. He kept reaching up and patting her arm and when I looked in my mirror to see his face he looked so troubled.
Mom, I don't know how to help her. The world felt so very heavy today, and there didn't seem to be anything I could do to lessen the weight.
Her parent's house was large and white, with upstairs balconies close to Lake Michigan. They invited me in and asked me to stay the night, so I'm in one of the many bedrooms sprawled out on a guest bed.
It's kind of nice, I suppose, to not have my whole house shifting a bit under me every time I move.
It's times like these I remember that I want to change the world and make a difference. I want to make sure kids like Hank don't have to worry where their next meal is coming from, and women like Nancy can meet the eye of anyone they see with confidence.
It's all so overwhelming when I think of it this way. I can give Hank and Nancy a ride and make sure they are safe, well, as far as I know, with her parents. But how am I supposed to make a lasting difference for the little blond haired boy who is so knowledgeable about dinosaurs?
It really helps to remember you were a single mother. Dad was around, of course, but you made a lot of the decisions on your own, and you did well.
Nancy is a strong woman. I've already seen her fight the medics to be sure her son was taken care of. She's a good mother, making sure, even with her hands bandaged that Hank has food to eat and something to drink.
Her parents seem pretty cool. I think maybe her husband just wasn't great.
Milwaukie, or at least the part I saw of it, has some lovely skyscrapers. I'm looking forward to exploring more of it in the next few days. I wasn't planning on coming to Wisconsin quite so soon, but I may as well enjoy it since I'm here.
Also, on the absolutely positive side, I got an email from Dad today, saying he'd love to meet up with me somewhere out here, and just needs a few week's notice.
He said yes. Like it wasn't hard for him to say yes at all, and it has me wondering, in a typical for me way, if he's recognizing some of the things he would have done differently if he'd known how short a time we had with you.
I definitely am. So many things I'd do differently if I had it to do over again.
If I had you back.
I love you,
Bo.
This letter is tucked into the top pocket of my overnight bag. I'll have to make sure and remember to put it in the shoebox.
I'm really excited Dad emailed me that he'd come to visit. Now to decide where to meet up. Maybe Louisiana? I want to check out the French Quarter, but in spite of all the traveling I've done on my own some parts of the bigger cities still make me nervous.
I'll have to pull up a map and see where I want to go that would be a few weeks into the future. A few months may be better for him to be able to plan time off.
I don't want him to worry about me. I want him to see that I'm okay by myself and not going to get kidnapped or sold into anything.
Jasper is supposed to call in a few minutes, and it's weird to me how much I'm looking forward to hearing his voice. He often walks along the beach while he talks to me, and I can hear the waves in the background. His uncle is a fisherman and I've learned quite a few new words in these conversations.
Jasper thinks his uncle is disappointed in him because as much as he loves the water he wants to be an artist. He's said a few times he has things he wants to send me, but of course there's no way for him to do so.
I suppose it doesn't do much good to tell him not to worry about what his uncle wants, but to do what makes him happy and helps him to get out of bed in the morning. I haven't said as much, but told him his uncle must be so proud of him for stepping out in new directions.
His parent's own a shop on the bayfront, and from what he's told me I think I may have met his mom. I'm trying not to think too much about that since I don't remember much about her.
She was nice, but I was a bit self-obsessed, and would hate for her to remember me that way.
